Assholes.
The saying goes that ‘boys wreck your house, girls wreck your head’. I’ve just recently become a mam of two, and although I’m very much in love with both of my beautiful boys, I can safely say that currently they are wrecking both our house and our heads. A lot. At this point I’m not sure which is damaged more, my herringbone floor or my sanity.
Over the last few weeks they have been particularly difficult, each in different ways but both of equal measure. I’m convinced they do it on purpose. Deliberately obnoxious. Deliberately obtuse. Deliberately loud. Cute, but like a hoor not a puppy. Usually, when we are most vulnerable, most stressed, most depleted and especially when we are short on time. We can have nothing. They ruin everything. They smell our fear and see the weakness in our eyes, the weakness in our souls, then go for the jugular. They are merciless and brutal. To be really blunt, and honest, babies are assholes. Sometimes. Well a lot of the time in fact, usually several hundred times a day, and anyone who says otherwise is either a liar or not a parent. Our 15 month old son has developed a very special skill as part of his arse-nal. If he was a super hero, or indeed a super villain, which is probably more likely, his super power would be the ability to poo at the most inconvenient of times. His timing is impeccable. Every time. It’s as if he can do it on demand. He uses his asshole to be an asshole, and he knows it. What is it about poo that boys find so funny?
Like any asshole, babies force us to deal with some real shit, usually on a daily basis. They are sensitive, easily irritated, do not respond well to being pushed, can explode without notice and require proper looking after, especially in the early days post-partum. But, also like any asshole, although a bit of a pain in the backside, they are necessary for our survival and we just can’t live without them.
SHARE THIS STORY? COPY THE LINK
www.themomiker.com/flashes/assholes